More random stuff

Is this man, Hardeep Singh Kohli, the most annoying man on British television? I think so. I'm getting fed-up of his I'm-trying-to-look-and-sound-slightly-bored-with-this routine nearly every fucking night on The One Show. He's not funny, even though he thinks he's a scream. And if I hear him say 'Hardeep is your love' once more then I'm going to call the constabulary; yes, it probably was slightly amusing the first time he thought of it, but we've heard it so many times. One of the Bee Gees is on The One Show tonight so it'll be 'Hardeep is your love' overload. I even gather it's the name of his column in a Scottish newspaper. He threw a complete mard on Celebrity Apprentice and he looks like the sort of person who runs into a kilt at any opportunity. Fuck off.

Shame, because I quite like his brother.

A couple of redundancies were announced at work this week. Now I don't mean to cast aspersions on the management, but I hope they're not using the recession as a means of lopping off a bit of dead wood. They can use that as an excuse for getting rid of anyone, can't they? I say that because they're both not very good at their jobs, for which they get paid rather a lot.

I don't mean to make light of redundancy, it's horrible, but it'd be even worse in my job because every time the management want to communicate to the staff they do so on notices printed with the font Comic Sans. I hate Comic Sans. Why's it called that? It's never made me laugh. And how would you feel if you got your notice in Comic Sans? I'd rather get it in Dingbats.

The notices on the noticeboard are all printed in Comic Sans. eg: "It's been brought to management's attention that there is graffiti in the male toilets. The company WILL NOT accept graffiti or the defacing of company property. Please note that any member of staff caught leaving graffiti will face disciplinary action". All in Comic Sans. How are we supposed to take that seriously? You'd expect it to read, in Comic Sans "Some twat's have been drawing their knobs on the bog walls again. Please stop as the drawings are quite obviously not to scale."

Another thing, the latest TV ad for Microsoft Windows - where people stand around going "I'm a PC" - has the tagline at the end "Upload yourself". Which sounds to me like an insult, like a cross between "up yours" and "go fuck yourself." So, upload yourself, Microsoft.

Night of the living dead

That time is nearly upon us again. That's right, I know it's only mid November but plans for Christmas are being made already. I mention this because my boss came to me today to discuss whether our department should go out for a Christmas drink. I normally hate going out with workmates; I don't go out with my 'proper' friends enough, so why would I choose to go out with a bunch of people I can just about tolerate?
The last time I went out on a 'works do' in 2004, the guy who worked the opposite shift to me threatened me with 'I'm going to kick your fucking head in' for no reason whatsoever. Oh, how we laughed on the Monday after when he claimed not to have remembered any of it. Not. Personally, I think he might have wanted to say that for a while but the drink loosened his tongue. Perhaps he wanted to take it out on me because I went on my own and he took his wife who had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
Anyway, I always said that that was the last time. I now think my boss feels as though enough time has elapsed - and the head-kicking guy has since left - to suggest another pre-Christmas snifter. I told him to see what other people on the department thought. And because they're all young and full of spunk they all said 'yes!'. Bah! That means I'll have to go, if only to show how miserable the only guy older than me on the department is for not going. I still like to be down wi' kids, see? And they've convinced me by saying that it's the office staff's night out on the same day, so Knockers O'Neill and the Scottish Siren will be out too. Woo, and indeed, hoo!
I'm not looking forward to it though, they'll all want to go in the pubs I hate. You know the ones, the ones where you feel like Tommy because you can neither see, hear or make yourself heard. And there's bound to be the local market square heroes out looking for a scrap. I'm running if it all kicks off, I don't want a shiner for Christmas Day.

Can I just say that I enjoyed a marathon Charlie Brooker's Dead Set the other night. I'm not usually in to horror but it was rather good. It was about zombies taking over Britain and the action was set in the Big Brother house. Believe me, nothing is more satisfying than seeing Davina McCall get a lamp stand shoved through her head. I also love the fictional idea of some mysterious plague or virus wiping out huge numbers of the population. Which is why I've always had a soft spot for 28 Days Later, The Day of the Triffids, Z for Zachariah and The Stand. I think living on an island nation it doesn't leave much to the imagination to think that something like that may actually occur.

And, as it's Friday, and I've mentioned the 'C' word, you can have this: