Disgustipated from Newark writes...

While browsing Statcounter just now I notice that someone's come to this blog by putting 'steve wright fat bastard' into Google. Which reminded me of this story I saw in the Mirror this week. Is that why his three hour daily twatcast is called The Big Show?
I also notice that someone's come here by Googling 'play van halen on ukulele', which makes my heart sing. In other Statcounter news, I'm still getting the usual Diane Keen pervs desperate to see her knockers and some misguided fool who thinks that Kate Thornton's started advertising yoghurts.

I had a letter published in the local paper today. Yes, I knew it would happen sooner rather than later that I'd start writing letters to the paper. Mind you, having said that, I actually know someone who writes letters to TV listings magazines complaining about the amount of swearing on TV and the amount of violence in Eastenders, and they pay him to do it. Bah!
Unfortunately, such is the crapness of the Newark Advertiser's website, they only put a selection of letters online, and mine didn't make the internet cut. It was in the paper under the heading 'No one knocks', so I'll leave it up to your imagination what it was about. They did seem fit to omit mine and put a letter in where some old fart, currently living in Spain, was reminiscing about Newark in the 60s and 70s.

Have a good weekend, and here's someone with too much time on their hands playing Van Halen's Eruption on the ukulele.

Uke can play too

Look at that bastard. The Red Destroyer. That's what I bought with some of my birthday cash. I know it's not the smartest in the world but it'll do until I learn how to play the thing, then I'll upgrade to something like this beast. I got that one because I thought I'd support local business and got it from a shop in town and that was the only one they had, unless I wanted it in pink or turquoise. The man said I could go for lessons if I wanted but I think that just might have been an excuse to get me alone in a room to touch my bum. I daren't tell him I'd bought a tutor manual and CD off the internet.
The problem is that you tell people you have a ukulele and the following discussion always ensues:

Assorted Tosspots: "What did you get for your birthday?"
Me: after reeling off a list of presents "...and I bought myself a ukulele out of the cash"
AT: "Wo-hoa, you like George Formby then?
Me: "Not really, besides, he played a banjo ukulele..."
AT: (singing) "I'm leaning on a lampost at the corner of the street...."
Me: "...mine's a guitar ukulele..."
AT: (in George Formby voice) "He-hee, turned out nice again..."
Me: "No, no, it's not a banjo ukulele"
AT: (singing again) "...when I'm cleaning winderz..."
Me: "It's. Not. A. Fucking. Banjo. Ukulele!"
AT: "All right, calm down, Jesus, I never even go the gag in about Little sticks of Blackpool rock"
Me: "Piss off"

So, as you can see, having a ukulele isn't easy, it's tossers at every twitch and turn.
Mind you, if it's good in enough for Marilyn Monroe in Some Like it Hot, it's good enough for me. Who knows, one day I may be good enough to join this excellent set up, and perform this little heartbreaker at The Albert Hall.

In other news, I notice that yesterday was 'the most historic day in the world ever'. That is the most historic day in the world ever since he got elected last November. The thing is, what if Obama's rubbish? How many disappointed people in the world are there going to be? It seems like a lifetime ago now that we had our own massive disappointment. Anyone remember May 1st 1997?
I was talking to my gig-going chum about the inauguration last night, he told me that security was so tight that "they've had to call in the Home Guard". I can just imagine a portly old gentleman asking to be excused because he needed the toilet and could he not have to stand for so long because his gout was playing up. Gig-going chum's that daft that when I told him I had a uke, he thought it was the hot new Xbox game. "Oh, I thought it was like Guitar Hero but for ukuleles" he droned. Yeah, Ukulele Hero, you numpty. Mind you, I'd buy it...

The most historic thing for me yesterday was that Derby County got knocked out of the Carling Cup. How unfortunate for them that they're going to get knocked out of two cup competitions in the same week.
Oh, and I dropped off to sleep at work yesterday. I just thought I'd close my eyes for a few moments. Next thing it's five minutes later. That's the power of Steve Wright in the Afternoon for you playing shedloads of patriotic American music. If I'd been caught I think I'd have been in rather a lot of bother. They should give me more to do, shouldn't they?

Bright Ambassador's Googlewhack non adventure

I've found out, via the extremely hand and incredibly informative, Statcounter that I've very nearly been Googlewhacked. Some bod from Channel 4 put 'Tits McCrikey' into Google and found this blog. Unfortunately 'Tit's McCrikey' returns two results. Although the other result only returns 'McCrikey'. So it's kind of a Googlewhacking victory for me. If I or you were bothered about such fripperies of course...

In other news, I'm thinking of taking up the ukulele, anyone know where I can buy a cheap but decent one from? Thought not...

And as it's the weekend, have this on me.