Songs that should NEVER be covered no.3

Hi, Cathy Dennis here. You may remember me for having chart hits like Touch Me (All Night Long) and writing songs for people like Sophie Ellis-Bextor, S Club 7 and Katy Perry. Well before I could write my own songs I thought I'd have a go at murdering someone else's. Enjoy!



Ay-up, Rick Allen here, one-armed drummer of down-to-earth Sheffield-based pop metal sell-outs, Def Leppard. A few years ago we nicked an idea from Rush of doing an album of cover versions of songs that inspired us as kids. Here's our stab at one of the most perfect songs ever written. Even though it was written by some shandy-drinking Cockney about that thee're fancy London...

A chap called Dennis

I wrote last week about my affection for Brady Haran, the Australian 'video journalist' off of my local news programme. After doing a bit of digging, I can show you my favourite film of his, shown earlier this year and made in a village close to Newark. It's about a chap called Dennis and his History of Farming display in his back garden. It breaks my heart to watch it. Yes, this thing he's done isn't the best exhibit in the world, but who cares? It's his handiwork, which he's put years into and nobody, he thinks, wants to go and see it. Although to be fair, listening to him speak, his family have hardly encouraged him. What I love is the way he's used any old models he can get his hands on. He Man is seen messing around in some straw, one of his Masters of the Universe chums sits astride a tractor while a Pippa doll is completely out of scale on a giant horse riding through a farmyard. What I also love is the way he blows his nose whilst speaking to camera. And he pronounces the word 'make' quite correctly as 'meck'.
I feel like crying at the end when we see Dennis walking off into the distance. You see, underneath this cold, hard exterior beats a heart of marshmallow.
I really hope we don't see this on Russell Brand's Ponderland.