Knocked-up-in-an-afternoon, friend of Dum Dum, Hanna Barbera kiddies' post-school favourite, Touche Turtle.
Peace sign-waving, autograph shy, second least talented member of The Beatles, Ringo Starr.
I know this Ringo Starr business is last week's news, but I've never understood the fascination for autographs. What is the attraction? Is it because someone who does a job you like has actually held something in their hands and scribbled on it with a piece of paper? I dunno...
I'd rather shake someone's hand and tell them how much I like what they do. I think they'd appreciate that a lot more. I don't have anything autographed, apart from the Alex James book, which I picked up from one of those table displays in an Edinburgh bookshop with the intention of using it to read on the bog (I'm not even much of a Blur fan, I'd read any old crap about popular music. And it was on offer.). I didn't know it was signed until I got it home, and I certainly wouldn't have paid more for it just because he'd sat and signed a huge pile of them at the end of an in-store. I once read where Rowan Atkinson told autograph hunters to 'fuck off', which sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Fortunately for my mother though, he didn't tell her to 'fuck off' when she asked him about five years ago.
I'd tell this rancid old hag to 'fuck off' though if I'd just paid over £100 for the 'pleasure' of attending one of her enormodome concerts and she picked me out like that. It's not that bloke's fault her husband's sodded off, is it? And why does she use the 'f' word as punctuation? The more you use it, the less impact it has.
