Men-bashing. Again.

Turn it in. I don't know why I bothered reading this. I'm not one of those types mentioned and know how to treat a lay-dee on a date. Who fancies finding out? Nobody? Thought not...
As Twisted Sister once said, I am I'm me.

By the way, since when has Gordon Ramsay been English?

Enter Metallica

This blog post was supposed to be about the joys of shopping in Fopp (the complete Day Today and Badlands DVDs and Nirvana's In Utero, and got change out of £15!), the horrors of dining in a restaurant alone (something I'm going to have to get used to) and the excellence of Waterstone's staying open till 7pm (I expanded my 'graphic novel' library). And also about the sinking feeling when you realise you've gone out without putting your watch on, I feel naked without a watch.

I wasn't going to mention why I was wondering the streets of Nottingham alone. I was there to see Metallica and I know that absolutely nobody who reads this would be interested in that, but sod it, if you don't like it, look away now.

Metallica are one of only two bands who I genuinely get excited about just before they hit the stage (the others being Rush, yeah, I know, I know...). It's been a long time since I last saw them, and I was so excited I thought I was going to wee myself.

Bloody hell, it was good. In fact I'd go as far as to say it's the best concert I've ever been to. The stage was 'in the round' (one big stage in the middle of the floor), that was a fantastic idea. The drum kit started off facing away from me and I found it intensely fascinating to watch a drummer from the back. Playing the drums - especially a double bass kit - obviously isn't as easy as it appears. During the set the drum kit gradually revolved to face different parts of the audience. There were eight microphones dotted around the stage so James Hetfield come move around during the course of a song and still keep singing. The band aren't even constrained by effects pedals - the roadies do all that for them.

There are other benefits to a 'round' stage. For a start the band have nowhere to hide, you get to look at your band member of choice whenever you like, even if they've got their back to you. You can also see them when they go offstage for a break during a short solo spot and see what they get up to (even if it is only changing a shirt, having a drink and talking to the instrument techs). Also with a 'round' stage, nobody in the crowd's ever all that far from the stage, especially in a relatively 'small' arena like Nottingham's. There's also the small matter of the band having to walk through the audience to get to the stage. Can you imagine U2 doing that?

Metallica have got a ton of stick over the past ten years over downloading and not being very nice to their fans (I'd like to say here that they were very misunderstood, and I'm not a Lars Ulrich apologist by any means). But I've been looking at their website this morning and I can't think of a better artist website. There's online Twitter-style tour updates, pictures from last night (the picture at the top of this post was taken last night), tour video reports, and by the weekend there'll be a recording of last night's show to be in my iPod. That's a proper recording, not a crappy bootleg.

They went over time because the crowd kept calling them back. They got fined. They didn't care. I went hoarse from shouting. I want to go and see them again soon.

I'm not an advocate of male crying, but even I was filling up at the end. After seeing Some Kind of Monster - although a fascinating document on human relationships - I thought I'd never see them again as it's heartbreaking to see one of your favourite bands on the verge of splitting.

They've come back stronger and better than ever. Even grizzly metal bands have the power to make a grown man cry.

Finally, I notice in August they're playing a racecourse in Ireland called 'Fairyhouse'. Is there a more un-metal name for a venue?

Hug a Hoody

What a waste of money. Celebrating a common criminal. Again. This is the same bloke who's responsible for the Nottingham Eye, which would be quite a good idea if there was actually anything of interest to look at from the top.

And who's going to want to eat a crap meal in Robin Hood's bollocks? Not I, everything'll taste salty. Here's a hint for Mr Mellors: restaurants in tall buildings don't generally work. See the Post Office Tower and St. John's Beacon in Liverpool.

Why doesn't this bloke put his money into something useful, like Nottingham Forest's proposed new 45,000 seat stadium? Which may look just as daft when they're playing fourth division football. Hey ho...

And another thing...

...why do we have to do down people who know a lot of 'stuff' in this country? So what if she doesn't know that a mediocre Welsh soul singer won a bloody crappy Brit or who had underage sex without protection. She knows about proper stuff. The fucking girly swotty pants.

Oh, and on the subject of general knowledge and swottiness, whose not-very-fantastic idea was it to punt Eghheads to 6.30 and put the one man personality vacuum that is Nicky Campbell on in its place? I reckon Campbell's got some naughty pics of a BBC boss in his possession and is using them as blackmail. How else do you explain his appearance 5 nights a week at 6pm, once a week at 7.30pm and once a week at 10.00am on the telly and five days a week on the wireless?
Now, if it was the vino-guzzling 'hey everybody, let's P-A-R-T-Y' one-woman-fun-factory that's his Watchdog colleague Julia Bradbury, then that'd be totally different kettle of fish. Besides, she was responsible for one of my favourite ever lines uttered on television: "Ooh, I wish I hadn't had those fish and chips."

A load of Joeys*

Christ on a bike! Here's a crap idea: why not just lock away anyone with a disability - no matter how minor - in sanitariums in the countryside where we don't have to look at them?

Apparently one parent complained that he'd had to confront the issue of disability with his/her children 'before they were ready to deal with it'. What if his/her kids saw someone in a wheelchair or carrying a white stick whilst out shopping? We all know that kids have a tendency to shout rather loudly 'Why is that man in a wheelchair?'

Grow up.

Edit: I didn't realise that Mr Avenues and Alleyways had already blogged on this topic when I wrote and published it, so soz.

*And I know that saying 'Joeys' isn't right, but these are the sort of twats who probably still say it.

Vindicated! Again!

Brooker hits the right note again. I must point out that I've never seen Noels's HQ (what with me only having council digital), but I heard that rant - which I blogged about earlier in the week - on the Jeremy Vine show. They were discussing the case, not the rant.

Stop Edmonds now!

Don't want to bang on about Twitter, but...

...now I'm on the horns of a dilemma. Christine Bleakley v Charlie Brooker. They both enrich my life but one's pro-Twitter and the other one's anti. Can I just read Twitter without actually saying anything myself? Because I'd quite like to 'follow' Brooker.



Anyway, this popped up on my iPod today during a shuffle. I hadn't heard it in ages and it was most welcome. Especially as Metallica use it as their intro music and I'm going to see them the week after next. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up because normally when I hear it I know I'm going to feel the full force of James Hetfield's wrath in a few minutes. It has everything I love about Ennio Morricone's spaghetti western music: Twanging electric guitars, squealing trumpets, a wailing bint, a clanging bell and a huge choir. Pretty good visuals too, courtesy of Sergio Leone and Eli Wallach.