Throw beef curtains wide...soz, couldn't help myself

Please be aware that the usual bigging up of prog metal bans, shite TV rants and other nonsense is being suspended for the duration of this post while I talk about 'man feelings'. Eeerrgghh! Yes, I know, but if we all hold hands we can get through it together, okay?

So then, to the Nottingham Arena last night to watch Elbow. Not been there for a couple of years since I went to see a shirtless James Hetfield of Metallica stomping around the stage with a customised Flying V strapped on shouting "COME ON SING, NOTTING-HAM! LET'S MOTHERFUCKING TEAR THE MOTHERFUCKING ROOF OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLACE!"
Last night couldn't have been more different. First things first though and the evening got off to bad start when I saw a Glaswegian I know who used the medium of Facebook last year to openly criticise me. Don't know what I'd done to upset her but the cheeky cow kissed me and addressed me as 'Big boy' last night. Ugh! So that put me in a bad mood.
Wasn't to last long though. Elbow are one of those bands that get grown men weeping. Don't know why. Look at leader Guy Garvey, a lump of a man in a three piece suit who wouldn't look out of place as a bouncer (also nice to see someone the same shape as me make it as a rock star).  Thing is, he's immediately got everyone on side; women fancy him and men want to be his mate. In between songs his patter is that of a stand-up comic but when the music starts again his voice is like hot butter dripping off a biscuit. He could break a thousand hearts with one song. And he did with me, unlike a lot of the crowd who decided to film it via mobile phones, during Mirrorball (perhaps my favourite Elbow song) I shut my eyes and sang along. Bloody amazing.
I did have my doubts about how Elbow would cope in an arena; needn't have worried. A smaller stage had been set up on the floor with a runway between so that Garvey, and other band members at times, could go into the middle of the crowd. This stage came into its own when a piano doubled as a cocktail cabinet which the band took green drinks out of while a spare was handed to an audience member.
There was also another lovely moment  - similar to the last time I saw them when Garvey directly addressed a couple in the audience the male half of whom was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him during a particular song - where he directly addressed a couple in a block right at the back of the arena. He announced that they were officially the farthest people from the stage and bought them up on a big screen. During the finale of One Day Like This he ran from the stage up to that couple and sang to them. Just lovely.
I'm not known as 'a crier' but I had a massive lump in my throat at the end. That's what you get with Elbow you see: loveliness. You come out feeling so good about yourself and every other human being on the planet. It's left me with a great feeling today. I love Elbow. I love my gig-going mate who always laughs at me throwing in Gregory's Girl quotes randomly. I love that shifty man who was standing a bit too close to my car when we got back to it. I even love that Glaswegian woman. And I love you.

Edit 19/03/11: Elbow once said "we still believe in love so fuck you". Sentiments which I whole-heartedly agree with. BUT I still don't want to go on holiday with you.
It's a beautiful day out there, go on, go outside and pat a random small child on the head. Or summat.

Phil Oakey foresees internet dating

The internet's a bit quiet at the minute, ain't it? So as a means of finding something to blog about here's a quick iPod shuffle. Those with a nervous disposition may wish to look away now:

1. Elbow - We're Away. A 'bonus' track from my version of The Seldom Seen Kid. It's filler and sounds like it. Drums played with brushes which I usually hate, unless it's a Nina Simone record.


2. Rush - Ghost Rider. Honestly, I haven't made this up. A slow-burner about the death within a year of drummer Neil Peart's wife and daughter, and his subsequent retreat into four years of reclusiveness. A reclusiveness which found him touring North America alone on a motorbike, hence the title. One of the best songs they've done in the past 25 years.


3. Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely. From Kid A, not my favourite Radiohead record. Thom Yorke's voice was really starting to get irritating by this stage in their career. Very whiney. The track itself is quite dreamy, acoustic guitars, strings, deadened drums and William Orbit-style 'noises'. Wouldn't sound out of place on one of those 'Ibiza Sunset' type compilations. I wouldn't normally choose to listen to it.


4. Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey - Together in Electric Dreams. Hurrah! Proof that there are, what John Shuttleworth would call, 'fun tracks' on my iPod. From a film I saw once on pirate video about a bloke who meets a woman via computer. Or summat. Now whoever would have thought that picking people up via a computer would catch on? From what I remember the computer falls in love with the woman an'all (despite the fact it has no human emotions or sexual organs). Sorry to spoil it if you haven't seen it. Good song, even though I prefer Moroder's production work on the so-bad-it's-brilliant Son of My Father by Chicory Tip.


5. Girls Aloud - Biology. Look, I can explain, I'm not gay. I don't care much for the tabloid exploits of this lot, but they - or their producers Xenomania - make very, very good pop records. I don't fancy any of them, by the way. Okay, if I had to make a choice it'd be Kimberley. Chubby cheeks, a false smile and a Bradford accent? What's not to like?

That's it. I was rather hoping for the Don Partridge track I downloaded this morning to come up, hey-ho.

Leicester squares

Look at that picture. That's right, it clearly shows a wedge of lime in a pint of Coke. What sort of madness of poncification is that? I went to the De Montfort Hall in Leicester last night for the first time since I saw The Wonder Stuff there in 1989 and look what's happened. I blame the 6Music Brigade with their fancy Dan ways to be honest. Lime in Coke, whatever next......?

Anyway, the gig? Superb thanks. Elbow really are tremendous and I urge any lovers of quality music to catch them, very uplifting. I'm so, so jealous of anyone who can express themselves artistically, unfortunately I can't.

Best moment of the night? Elbow frontman Guy Garvey telling a woman in the crowd called Karen that the guy she was with called Paul had something to ask her in the next song. After the song we learned that Karen had said 'yes', hurrah! Things came back to Earth with a bump when Garvey told them that 'we won't be playing the wedding.....but to celebrate the engagement, here's a song about blinding heartache.'

Two things I've never seen at rock show too: 1) a lady roadie and 2) a cellist desperately trying to do a big rock 'n' roll finish. Top drawer. And can people please stop talking all the way through gigs please. I turned to my gig-going chum once at the end of a song to say 'Fuck yeah'. That's all that's required, thank you.

And I'd forgotten how much I love, and I mean love Newborn. Beautiful.

Desert Island Cobblers

Our kid's done this Desert Island Discs thingy, so I thought I'd nick the idea and give it a go. You can take albums, right?

First up, the whole album, mark you, not just these two songs.



Perfect indie pop.



An-gus!



Perfect, er, pop.



Two for the price of one here. Going to see this lot a week tonight.



Dave Grohl never bettered this. Recently covered by Glen Campbell.



Doesn't outlive its welcome.



Genius.



Luxury - an iPod to render this whole exercise pointless.
Book - The Deeper Meaning of Liff. I've read it hundreds of times and it never fails to make me 'LOL' (eergh). It'd make me realise how much pleasure used to be had by laying on a settee on a Sunday afternoon, absent-mindedly picking yourself.