Monday, 23 March 2009

A virtue

Please forgive me if I don't update this as often as I should. Life isn't exactly going to plan at the minute.

Here, watch this video instead. My favourite sodding off song.

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Can't think of a punning or witty title for this

I've just been listening to this week's Word magazine podcast while doing my ironing (there's a slice of my rock 'n' roll lifestyle for you, right there), they were talking about Mick Jones, of The Clash, and his collection of late 20th Century popular culture that's just gone on display. You can gawp at it here.
Do we really need all of that stuff? At first I thought it'd be fantastic, but surely the whole weight of it would gradually drag you down. I occasionally have purges of my 'stuff' whenever a charity bag comes round. Only the cream of the crop make it through the cut.
I always fancy that one day I may find myself interviewed for some weighty programme where they'll want to interview me in front of a bookcase. I don't know about you but I always look at the books on those kind of interviews. Politicians appear in front of heavyweight biogs about Clement Atlee or Anthony Eden while boring old duffers will plonk themselves in front of a book by Max Hastings or about the siege of Leningrad. Do you think those books have actually been read? I know if it was me I'd put the books I was most proud of reading in the eyeline of the camera. A bit of DH Lawrence here, some Dickens there, Hardy over there, a bit of Orwell to mix the whole thing up. The last thing I want is for someone to look at me on telly and say "Hmm, he reads too much James May, Tim Moore and David Nobbs. And just look at all those Viz annuals and Commando comic compendiums."
Which I suppose also throws up the question of whether you sort your records out for public display. I don't give a toss anymore, let people see my Moby and Yes albums nestling alongside Holst's Planets and OK Computer.

While I'm on, I no fan whatsoever of either Tony Christie or Richard Hawley, but it has to be said that their new collaborative single, Every Word She Said is a rollicking pop number. I can't find a link to it, but listen out for it.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Too risky

This is why I've never skied, mountain-climbed, canooed, snow-boarded, canyoned, pot-holed, high-dived, parachuted, bungeed, white-watered, luged. I'm a big girl's blouse.
I wish her well.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

General Lee

Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, then. Did you see it? I did, it was superb. Mind you, I would say that because it spent a good ten minutes slagging off Chris Moyles, just for this one line: "Chris Moyles is unique in that he's the only man to have had more books published than he's actually read."
And I can't think of anyone else brave enough to go on TV and spend at least three minutes trying to repetitively describe rap 'singers' in the most uncrompehending way possible just to say at the end 'I don't think this book's really aimed at me'. Top drawer.
And Radio 4 topical panel shows got a kicking too. Good. Andy fucking Parsons take note. I heard The Now Show a couple of weeks ago. Jesus wept.

Put that next to Horne and Corden, the first episode of which I watched this morning. Oh dear. Not funny in the slightest. There was one mildly amusing bit that slagged off Ricky Gervais, which I perhaps would have found funnier if I'd actually seen the Karate Kid film on which the sketch was based. Most of the other jokes appeared to point out how fat Corden is. Ooh, my aching sides.
There was also a rather silly sketch involving a camp war reporter. It pandered to the stereotype that all gay men are obsessed with sex and are scared of bombs and stuff. Who isn't scared of bombs? I know I am. Where is BBC3 going? They cancel the excellent Pulling yet make tosh like this to pander to their 'priority artists' and still churn out Two Pints...

If you missed Lee, watch it here. And disregard that picture of Michael McIntyre at the bottom. By the way, any programme that uses Tom Hark as its theme tune has got to be worthy of your attention, yes?

Monday, 9 March 2009

Coke ISN'T it

Duffy on a bike! This is awful. I hate her voice anyway and to have it blaring out at me while watching Come Dine With Me does nothing to endear me to her. An aural and visual assault. Make it stop. Hopefully she's dumperbound anyway.

Friday, 6 March 2009

Oh Mandy, you came and you left without taking

I don't give a toss about Peter Mandelson or the third Heathrow runway, but who wouldn't find this funny? I bet Gordon Brown's pissing himself. Oh, and I love the way some wag at the BBC's online news service has slowed it down at the end of the clip.

I'm forever blowing Bubbles.

The lady on the till at Sainsbury's took one look at the photo of Michael Jackson on the front page of my Times today and said "He's strange, in't 'e?. I wouldn't go to the end of my street to see him." 'Nuff said really.

This is still a fantastic record though. Have a good weekend.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

I've been undressed by kings, and I've seen some things a girl ain't s'possed to see

I gather there's a show on Radio4 called I've Never Seen Star Wars. I've never heard it of course because it's a comedy show on Radio4, and it's hosted by a smug twat called Marcus Brigstocke. I think it's quite a good premise for a show (Even though the guests are the usual Radio4 crowd. Sandi Toksvig anyone? And who the hell's Jan Ravens?), so I thought I'd do my own 'I've never...'

Here goes. Some are by choice, some aren't, some are because the opportunity's never arose. You decide which is which:

  • I've never seen Star Wars or an episode of Star Trek.

  • I've never heard I've Never Seen Star Wars.

  • I've never eaten a Bounty bar.

  • I've never been in control of any kind of boat.

  • I've never ridden a motorcycle.

  • I've never been on a rollercoaster that throws you upside down.

  • I've never been to Spain.

  • I've never seen an episode of The Simpsons, The Sopranos, Casualty, Holby City, The West Wing, The Wire, 24, Hollyoaks.

  • I've never heard I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Desert Island Discs, Just a Minute.

  • I've never bought anything by The Beatles.

  • I've never been to a fancy dress party.

  • I've never had a gin and tonic.

  • I've never seen The Godfather, Citizen Kane, Schindler's List.

  • I've never eaten Marmite.

  • I've never been to a classical music concert.

  • I've never been in Harrod's.

  • I've never spoken to anyone famous while they were still famous.

  • I've never read anything by JK Rowling or JRR Tolkein.

  • I've never skied.

  • I've never been involved in a car accident.

  • I've never seen a stripper.

  • I've never built a bonfire.

  • I've never parachuted/bungee-jumped.

  • I've never tried a Class A drug.

  • I've never been fishing.

  • I've never kissed in the rain.

  • I've never fired a gun.

  • I've never been to me (and I haven't been to Paradise either).

Clough injured

Spooky. I wonder if this is the great man commenting on the impending releaser of The Damned United from the grave? I doubt it, I don't believe in sprits and spookiness.

In that filmed report there's a shot of the statue with a chain around its neck and a hood over the head, looking like he's about to be hanged. I wonder if Don Revie's family had anything to do with its removal.

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Phil Oakey foresees internet dating

The internet's a bit quiet at the minute, ain't it? So as a means of finding something to blog about here's a quick iPod shuffle. Those with a nervous disposition may wish to look away now:

  1. Elbow - We're Away. A 'bonus' track from my version of The Seldom Seen Kid. It's filler and sounds like it. Drums played with brushes which I usually hate, unless it's a Nina Simone record.

  2. Rush - Ghost Rider. Honestly, I haven't made this up. A slow-burner about the death within a year of drummer Neil Peart's wife and daughter, and his subsequent retreat into four years of reclusiveness. A reclusiveness which found him touring North America alone on a motorbike, hence the title. One of the best songs they've done in the past 25 years.

  3. Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely. From Kid A, not my favourite Radiohead record. Thom Yorke's voice was really starting to get irritating by this stage in their career. Very whiney. The track itself is quite dreamy, acoustic guitars, strings, deadened drums and William Orbit-style 'noises'. Wouldn't sound out of place on one of those 'Ibiza Sunset' type compilations. I wouldn't normally choose to listen to it.

  4. Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey - Together in Electric Dreams. Hurrah! Proof that there are, what John Shuttleworth would call, 'fun tracks' on my iPod. From a film I saw once on pirate video about a bloke who meets a woman via computer. Or summat. Now whoever would have thought that picking people up via a computer would catch on? From what I remember the computer falls in love with the woman an'all (despite the fact it has no human emotions or sexual organs). Sorry to spoil it if you haven't seen it. Good song, even though I prefer Moroder's production work on the so-bad-it's-brilliant Son of My Father by Chicory Tip.

  5. Girls Aloud - Biology. Look, I can explain, I'm not gay. I don't care much for the tabloid exploits of this lot, but they - or their producers Xenomania - make very, very good pop records. I don't fancy any of them, by the way. Okay, if I had to make a choice it'd be Kimberley. Chubby cheeks, a false smile and a Bradford accent? What's not to like?

That's it. I was rather hoping for the Don Partridge track I downloaded this morning to come up, hey-ho.