I gather there's a show on Radio4 called I've Never Seen Star Wars. I've never heard it of course because it's a comedy show on Radio4, and it's hosted by a smug twat called Marcus Brigstocke. I think it's quite a good premise for a show (Even though the guests are the usual Radio4 crowd. Sandi Toksvig anyone? And who the hell's Jan Ravens?), so I thought I'd do my own 'I've never...'
Here goes. Some are by choice, some aren't, some are because the opportunity's never arose. You decide which is which:
- I've never seen Star Wars or an episode of Star Trek.
- I've never heard I've Never Seen Star Wars.
- I've never eaten a Bounty bar.
- I've never been in control of any kind of boat.
- I've never ridden a motorcycle.
- I've never been on a rollercoaster that throws you upside down.
- I've never been to Spain.
- I've never seen an episode of The Simpsons, The Sopranos, Casualty, Holby City, The West Wing, The Wire, 24, Hollyoaks.
- I've never heard I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Desert Island Discs, Just a Minute.
- I've never bought anything by The Beatles.
- I've never been to a fancy dress party.
- I've never had a gin and tonic.
- I've never seen The Godfather, Citizen Kane, Schindler's List.
- I've never eaten Marmite.
- I've never been to a classical music concert.
- I've never been in Harrod's.
- I've never spoken to anyone famous while they were still famous.
- I've never read anything by JK Rowling or JRR Tolkein.
- I've never skied.
- I've never been involved in a car accident.
- I've never seen a stripper.
- I've never built a bonfire.
- I've never parachuted/bungee-jumped.
- I've never tried a Class A drug.
- I've never been fishing.
- I've never kissed in the rain.
- I've never fired a gun.
- I've never been to me (and I haven't been to Paradise either).
