Something that always surprises me is when people ask what you'd do if you won the lottery. I tell them that I'd keep enough for myself to live on for the rest of my days, spread some amongst my family and friends and then give the rest away to charity. "Why would you do that?" a colleague asked me once. The answer is that where I'd spend the money on thrash metal box sets, sweets, army surplus vehicles, Top Trumps, expensive pants, trainers, or Lamborghinis, there's a whole lot of good work some charities could do with a million or two. Of course it's not up to me to dictate how other people spend their money. For all you know I might have a crack cocaine and high class escort addiction and that would be my right to indulge in those things (although crack is illegal. The closest I get to a high these days is last winter when I mistakenly took a dizzying cocktail of Red Bull, Disprin and Tixylix. What a night that was! And the nearest sexy thrill is a sly glance at the odd bum every now and again).
So anyway, this colleague countered with "I don't need charity so they're not having my money" Which got me riled up for a start. He wouldn't have my argument that in the future he or his family might need to call on the services of a charity.
What I'm leading to here is this: I saw Peter Kay on telly the other night promoting that single he's done for Comic Relief. A worthy cause, I'm sure you'll agree. What he then was announced was that he was releasing an exta 500 tickets per night the last stint of his tour. Why can't he just promote something for charity without promoting his own career? I saw him launch that Children in Need single, then in the next breath said "Oh, and tickets for my tour go on sale tomorrow morning at nine, that's nine o'clock!" To be fair he did say that a pound from the sale of each of these 500 extra tickets will be donated to Comic Relief. But not to be fair, only a pound? Couldn't the exchequer of Peter Kay find a bit more in himself to donate more than £500 a night? This is Peter Kay who sold out 21 nights at the Manchester Arena in an hour, that's over 300,000 tickets. Plus there's the other venues ticket sales too, so he's hardly on his uppers, is he?
How much money does one person need? Really? Especially as he always quacks on about how he's just this normal bloke from Bolton who doesn't live a showbiz life. He's clearly saving up for something; God knows what.
He's not even very funny. As the great Stewart Lee once observed: "Peter Kay isn't really a comedian, just someone whose very good at remembering things."
8 comments:
I assume 'the great' Stewart Lee observed that slice of comedy gold over the course of fifty torturous, repetitive minutes? It's usually the way of 'the great' Stewart Lee. The smug arsehole.
You're right about Peter Kay, of course. He peaked far too young with Garlic Bread, and now there's no way to go but down.
I hate Stewart Lee, but I realise that was not the point of your post.
People who don't give to charity on the grounds that they'll never 'need it' make me instantly depressed. I wish a stubborn yeast infection on that bloke.
I like Stewart Lee. And I like Peter Kay. But which (sic) is best? There's only one way to find out. Ask Harry Hill.
I often wonder what proportion of a celebrity's income goes to the "charidee" they promote? I bet as ratio to income in most cases very little. Some years back I became instantly disillusioned when it was revealed Wogan got a, what was it? 9 grand(?) retainer for doing Children in Need...9 grand for a night's charidee. Laugh I nearly spluttered
As for miserly colleagues, I've heard it all - "a waste of money" and sadly, excuses like I'm not supporting this charity or that because it is helping foreigners.
Oh dear, Stewart Lee seems to divide opinion. It's not my fault you haters aren't on his intellectual plane. If you can't see the comedy in a 30 minute routine about a mix up with a Caffe Nero loyalty card then that's your problem. I like the more difficult stuff you see, like Captain Beefheart, Jackson Pollock, those Neil Young records which are just feedback, Bill Hicks, Miles Davis and Norman Collier.
This cravat's a bit tight today, mark you.
Jimmy - To be fair to Wogan (and that's a rarity for me), didn't he deny that he ever took any expenses for CiN?
I hate that 'they're foreigners' too. Are we not all human beings clinging onto this rock hurtling through outer space and just trying to make the best of it?
I think Peter Kay is a fine comedian and a vile human being, if that helps. My view on Comic Relief has been the same since they brought out The Stonk - put a few quid in a tin and watch something else.
My mum worked for years with Norman Pace's mother. She worked with the person who gave birth to the person who wrote the lyrics "Stonky stonky, nose on your conky"
Stewart Lee fans always say we Stwart Lee haters are not on his intellectual plane, and they're correct. Most of us left that plane behind when we stopped enjoying sixth form / NUS humour - the plane Stewart's been stubbornly wandering around since 1989.
He's no Tom O'Connor, let's face it.
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