My totalitarian vision

I'm turning into one of those people who believe there are far too many television channels. At work this morning the TV in the canteen was tuned to Sky 3 which was showing something called Crash Test Dummies. It features the two berks off of Big Cook Little Cook putting things to the test, or, in other words, twatting around in a half-arsed conglomeration of Jackass and Top Gear. The sort of thing that would appeal to teenage boys, thick people and the type who have a personalised number plate on their 2003 BMW 3 Series. In short, it's trash.
So what I propose is, when I become the totalitarian dictator of this sceptered isle, that the only TV channels allowed to survive are BBC1, BBC2, Channel 4, BBC4 and QVC. What I'd also like to see happen is the abolition of TV programmes between the hours of 9am and 3pm. When I was a kid the only TV shows on during the day were programmes for schools and colleges and horse racing. There was stuff on ITV, like Open House, Afternoon Plus, The Cedar Tree and a soap opera about a fashion house, but as we've seen, ITV won't be on air. There will also be a return to interludes. So instead of filling a spare few minutes with a news bulletin we will be treated to a film of someone shoeing a horse or turning a piece of wood for a Windsor chair. These interludes will also take the form of educational films. These films will be of things like how to make a pompom for a woolly hat, how to change a washer in a tap, how to deal with cold callers in an effective manner and how to knit the woolly hat for you to sit your pompom on in the film shown earlier. There will also be a reintroduction of Public Information Films which will be shown purely to scare the shit out of children (well, I had to put up with them as a child, why can't today's kids? Especially that one where that rag doll gets stuck in the escalator...brrr, a chill's run through my body just thinking about it).
Top of the Pops will also return to its rightful place of 7.30pm on Thursday. And Brookside will also return but without the crap. As will Play for Today.
Television will end for the day no later than midnight and the new national anthem will be played. The new national anthem will, of course, be the Dambuster's March.

Also, the internet will be switched off during office hours. This will increase the capacity of industry and will also mean that I won't come home after a hard day at the seat of government (my totalitarian offices will be located in London's throbbing West End) and spend hours watching You Tube clips of old public information films and Geddy Lee singing the Canadian national anthem at baseball games.