Modern Gutnish: "Introducing brand new shapewear for men"

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

"Introducing brand new shapewear for men"

Have you seen these new pants that M&S are marketing at men? Have you? I've never seen anything so bloody ridiculous in my life. How insecure would you have to be to want to make your meat 'n' two veg look bigger? And how many women look at a man's lunchbox while they're checking him out? Not very many, I fancy. Most of the women I know don't even like the look of most Johnsons. Even if she did I don't think I'd want to go out with somebody who was only interested in the size of my one-eyed pant python. "Shapewear", my arse.
Of course I don't need a pair of these as I have a fantastic arse and I'm packing one huge weapon. Did you get that, ladies?

5 comments:

Jon Peake said...: How utterly conceited/insecure would you have to be? I'm comfortable in the knowledge that I don't need these.

And let's face it, who wants their knob on display, sticking right out of your kecks, anyway? It's absurd.; 12 October 2010 at 17:34
Clair said...: I'd find a man wearing one of these more attractive:

http://www.abcunderwear.com/gold-schlong.html; 12 October 2010 at 17:44
Simon said...: So the Punt & Dennis Wonderpants sketch finally comes to life.; 13 October 2010 at 12:18
Kolley Kibber said...: Do they come in a variety of shapes? For example, 'The Torpedo', 'The Sea-cucumber', 'The Bendy Plantain' and 'The Sink Plunger'? That's the least I'd hope for.; 13 October 2010 at 13:52
Bright Ambassador said...: I suppose we're going back to Tudor times when Henry VIII would wear the most impressive/fearsome looking (delete as appropriate) codpieces in his portraits in order to impress/frighten (delete as appropriate) the princesses and infantas of Europe.

And how disappointed is a lady going to be when she strips off your undercrackers and finds what she thought was a baby's arm hanging out a pram is, in fact, one of those sausages you find in luxury tins of baked beans?

As I say, I don't need these pants. Is that clear? I'm not hung up about the size of my cock as it's fucking enormous. Okay? Got that, ladies?; 13 October 2010 at 14:03