Do you know who I really hate? Yeah, that Sting. I always have done. As a child my sisters would torment me by playing their copies of The Police's Regatta De Blanc and Zenyatta Wotsit albums over and over again. Even aged 8 I knew I hated The Police and that twat singing. One of those albums contained a track called Canary in a Coalmine, and I detested that one especially.
Imagine my disgust, then, when I flicked open the latest edition of Word mag yesterday and saw a full page ad for his latest release, an album for winter with the utterly pretentious title of If On a Winter's Night... (Those fucking dots are actually part of the album title) Guess what, there's a photo of our hero looking all windswept and interesting on the cover walking a dog, alone in a snowy forest. I'm not surprised he's alone, who'd want to go out for a walk with a man who, was described perfectly accurately by Radcliffe and Maconie last week as, "the punchable lutist and Wallsend wassock". The lutist bit comes from the fact that a couple of years ago Sting released an album of lute music. What a cu..
I'm going to illegally download If On a Winter's Night *dot dot fucking dot* and only play it on the hottest day of the year. Yeah, that'll stick it to the punchable lutist and Wallsend wassock.
Do you know what else I hate about him? All that tantric sex stuff he banged on about. Christ, who wants that going on for hours and hours? I'd lose the will to live. Especially as at 6pm the holy trinity of TV starts: Eggheads, East Midlands Today and The One Show. Trudie Styler must have a snatch like a blind cobbler's thumb.
I do like Message in a Bottle though, mainly due to the guitar riff and drums, and would like to point out that I also like Stewart Copeland. He was in Curved Air after all.
Right, I'm off to watch Dune, Brimstone and Treacle and Quadrophenia back to back.
Imagine my disgust, then, when I flicked open the latest edition of Word mag yesterday and saw a full page ad for his latest release, an album for winter with the utterly pretentious title of If On a Winter's Night... (Those fucking dots are actually part of the album title) Guess what, there's a photo of our hero looking all windswept and interesting on the cover walking a dog, alone in a snowy forest. I'm not surprised he's alone, who'd want to go out for a walk with a man who, was described perfectly accurately by Radcliffe and Maconie last week as, "the punchable lutist and Wallsend wassock". The lutist bit comes from the fact that a couple of years ago Sting released an album of lute music. What a cu..
I'm going to illegally download If On a Winter's Night *dot dot fucking dot* and only play it on the hottest day of the year. Yeah, that'll stick it to the punchable lutist and Wallsend wassock.
Do you know what else I hate about him? All that tantric sex stuff he banged on about. Christ, who wants that going on for hours and hours? I'd lose the will to live. Especially as at 6pm the holy trinity of TV starts: Eggheads, East Midlands Today and The One Show. Trudie Styler must have a snatch like a blind cobbler's thumb.
I do like Message in a Bottle though, mainly due to the guitar riff and drums, and would like to point out that I also like Stewart Copeland. He was in Curved Air after all.
Right, I'm off to watch Dune, Brimstone and Treacle and Quadrophenia back to back.
6 comments:
You're not alone. Today, as I minded my own business in the food hall of a Marks 'n' Sparks, a hideous wailing beset me. Was it an elderly native registering her displeasure at the absence of Sustainably Sourced Breaded Cod? No, it was Sting. I left hurriedly.
You're preaching to the converted!
So he likes M&S eh? I bet he wears their Y-fronts too.
I've now handily added a link to Canary in a Coalmine to show people how bad it is. Thirty years on it still sounds terrible, and as someone who's better at evaluating music than I was in 1979, I can confirm that it's an awful bit of "will this do?" filler.
Sample lyric:
"You say you want to spend the winter in Firenza
Youre so afraid to catch a dose of influenza"
Pass my heroin...
Ha. I saw that advert in Word too, and thought for a moment that it was a spoof. What an utter tool.
Stewart Copeland's interview was great. I know which one of the two of them I'd rather go to the pub with.
I've never liked what Sting stands for but, well, I do think he's a decent songwriter. I think the Police stuff does date very well, and the solo career does throw up the odd bit of worthy musicianship, such as Fields Of Gold and If I Ever Lose My Faith In You.
Soz, like.
Nicce blog post
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